2000 & Great

This certainly has been a year to remember!
Some memories good... some bad... but all have left their mark.
Here at home we've seen an overflow in the news of child abductions
questionable deaths and, we've seen scandals and a call to arms.
and the battle for government control continues as it seems no one
can tame the many beasts that roam our city street.

Overseas we've seen weather patterns change, the world call on God or some higher power
as people become more and more disillusioned by the status Quo. A Global cry for help!

Amidst all the Turmoil we press on. Across the world many have drawn hope from a black
man with a middle eastern name sweep a nation as he prepares to snuggle with his wife in the master bedroom of the White House.

2008 if nothing else... is certainly the year the world changed. not in its slow evolutionary morph.
But in a Quantum Leap. What tomorrows brings is any ones guess.

It has definitely been a wild ride for me. Where do i go? What do i do? What will i become?
As i reminisce on simpler times i can't help but wonder at the thought: Everything that has happened, everything in is own way of working has brought us inexorably to this point. Right now! This moment!

A moment of Choice. A place where we have an opportunity to contribute to a new way of doing things. A chance to change our own lives.

In the morning i will awake to a new Sun.
In the morning i will awake to a new Day.

Where that day will take me is a Secret shared only by God and tomorrow.
I hesitate... can i face it? I know i must! It comes no matter what state i'm in!

Teach me how to trust! Teach me to face tomorrow.
I Step...

Back to the Future

Hi Friends
It's been a while hasn't it. And it seems to be pretty easy to fall off the wagon as well. We set out on a path with great sincerity and an iron cast resolve. But somehow as we role down the street we get to the place where the ride gets comfortable, the wind caresses us gently, the elements seem to all conspire to sing us a lullaby.
Before we know it we are sitting in the dirt, shaking or heads trying to figure out what happened.
Whose fault is it? Did we loose focus? Was the planning not enough? Was the path the right one? What's to Stop it from happening again?
We all seem to know where we want to go. It's the trying to figure out which path takes us there that seems to keep messing with our heads.
Is it the path of least resistance? Is it the path with the best scenery? Is it the road well traveled?
I wish I had a road map.

Who am I?

I know it's been awhile, but here i am. Just signed off and shut down - ready for bed. But something kept stirring inside me. Who am I?
A wasp looks just like a bee. Well almost!
For me it was like they were brothers. Same father! Same Home! And one day dad says: It's time for you boys to learn the family business. He takes them both out into the field, lets build a honeycomb so you will have a place to store you treasures. The bee goes first - he takes his time it's slow going but eventually he gets it. Father pats him on the shoulder and says well done son. Then the wasp jumps up and says watch this dad. He's up and out and in no time he's built his. Father pats him on the shoulder and says well done son.
Now we are gonna learn the family secret, the sweet joy and purpose of our existence. The bee comes up and he takes his time yet again. He throws himself into it completely. So much so that when he is done he is completed exhausted. Wasp jumps up and says why do we have to work so hard, their has got to be an easier way right dad? Dad says no son, the only way to make something truly worth holding on to is to give all of yourself into it. But there is one catch. When you give yourself completely over to something you can not keep it for yourself, if you try you will die. So the wasp flies away angry.

So now they are both faced with a brave question. Create something special but loose the power to hold on to it, or hold on to all your power and create nothing?

Do I choose to be a Wasp or a Bee? Who am I? Is my quest to find power or is it to create joy? Will my father be proud of the choices I've made. Right now confusion abounds!

Lord please have mercy on me! Teach me the way I should walk! Lead me!

Down side Up!

Some thoughts can be quite menacing! In a world where it's difficult to tell truth from fiction(people lose themselves in movies cause they can't seem to trust the news) Hollywood gets a bigger audience than CNN. seems the world is upside down doesn't it? Criminals roams the streets freely while decent citizens cage themselves behind bars.

Did you get a chance to catch Constantine? Meet John Constantine(Keanu Reeves) Returned suicide "victim" turned demon slayer trying to earn his way into heaven. Appears Gabriel pulling his strings trying to bring about the end of the world and John needs to call in the devil to set things right.

Gabriel: If sweet, sweet God loves you so, then I will make you worthy of His love. But it's only in the face of horror that you truly find your noble self. And you can be so noble. So... I will bring you pain, I will bring you horror. So that you may rise above it. So that those of you who will survive this reign of hell on earth will be worthy of God's love.

Erie as the thought may be, it got me to thinking. In the face of eminent death even the worst of us calls on a power outside of ourselves. And in that moment, in that instant you can see our souls. But give us riches beyond measure and watch us fight, squabble murder, deceive and whatever else we can do so that we may possess it.
What is it that is in us that causes us to be this way? There is great and powerful good in us, All of us, yet we can only unearth it in the direst of circumstances. Is there a place inside us that we can get to, to bring out the good inside us? Or must we all walk through the fire so that we may truly be all we can?
What is the crucible that you must go through so that you may become what you were meant to be? What if in in all our attempts to protect ourselves from the harsh realities of the world, we are actually sealing our own fate with it's destruction. Trapping ourselves in it and actually giving up the thing we truly desire. The freedom to truly enjoy life and happiness without fear.

Open Yours Eyes

Have you ever been moved by an outside force. The kind of force that guides you but is less like a force and more like a subtle pull to the place you need to be. I'm trying to understand it myself. How does it know where you need to be? Do we all have an innate sense of equilibrium? A sense of what our lives are supposed to be about and somehow we loose sight of it. Do we get too caught up in the rat race to really see where we are?

In the "Movie Matrix" that's part one for those of you who fell behind.
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure.

What is the cure for the constant wading through life. What are we searching for that keeps us chasing our tales. What if we are supposed to be in the matrix. If we were created for a purpose, why are we trying to escape that purpose. why are we trying to break our connection with the source. I've been trying to understand my own place in the world. Get in touch with myself. To find that connection. But it's a struggle.

I'm trying tore-connect with the source. I've come to the realization that It's not about Me, but instead - Us. We together have a bond that moves us in one direction. A gentle call toward love, life, greater meaning, and whatever else we seek. But more importantly - our true purpose. That inner most force that reminds us that we are a part of something greater than just ourselves. At that point when we to find that equilibrium and we Rejoin the matrix In peace.

Paycheck!!

I Drove to Portmore last night and as road moved under rubber and steel, strange thoughts filled my head. They were not thoughts of comfort and joy. Anyway as the asphalt drifted beneath me the movie Paycheck came to mind. It's a tale about a reverse engineer, Michael Jennings who, in exchange for big money, takes items apart in order to rebuild them for other companies. After every job his memory is wiped back to the moment he started the job.

He is offered a massive paycheck to do a three-year job only to wake up three years later, the job done, but there is no money. It has strangely been replaced by a Envelop full of ordinary everyday objects. As he finds himself in a whirlwind of deceit, gunfire, and chaos, he realizes that the objects are all clues or aids in his mission - a mission not only to save the world but also himself.

As i played the scenes over and over in my head i wondered at the concept. The machine he was asked to create allowed him to see into the future. Because of that fact, ordinary everyday items became a powerful tool. He also realized that in giving up the money he could pay closer attention to the items and get a better understanding of what his true purpose was. A clear view of how to go about accomplishing the big picture. In the end he found love, greater purpose, and and a bigger payday than the one he gave up.

As we move around in our own whirlwind, what is it that has been erased from our memories? What are the clues that will guide us to the greater picture? What is the sacrifice that we must make - or that must be imposed upon us so that we may pay closer attention to the clues?

I search now through my own envelop. I scan the items! I try to understand what they must mean. But like Michael Jennings. I can't understand the clues until the puzzle reveals itself.

I eagerly await! What awaits me at the end of this puzzle?

Friends

The greatest asset in a time like this is to have friends.
People who care. People who want to give you a word.
People who are really concerned about your well being.
The kind of people who are willing to get on the knees and seek a word for you.
Some how even without results, just knowing that they are willing to act on your behalf is a blessing.
Its not easy being someone like that. It's not easy.

But thank you for being, Thank you for trying.

If i were to think of where i would like to be right now --
I could come up with a million other places.

But somehow - The smile from a little girl saying thanks for listening.
The look on a young boy's face for the fact that someone cares enough to just be genuinely concerned about what he's going through. Makes it worthwhile.

But how do you help when you are up against the wall.

You just have to keep trying.
You just have to keep trying.

Our Greatest Fear

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond Measure
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
We ask ourselves, who am i to be, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually - Who are you not to Be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not in some of us: It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear:
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Prayer
"Lord keep my hands clean
Show me what you want me to do today
and You take care of tomorrow"

FEAR

Just finished watching defending your life. It's a play on the name. A movie about a man who gets hit by a bus and goes to a place where he needs to "defend his life" choices to a panel of judges. His case was to get past his fear. The premise is that fear captivates us. Imprisons us, causes us to shrink and not excel.

The thing is -- The more we shrink, the more afraid we become, and the more afraid we become, the more we shrink.

Last night i was afraid! I'm not sure of what exactly - Maybe everything and anything. But i knew i was afraid. Every sound stirred me, every movement shook me. I guess the thought is what if i came out of my room that night -- just to go to the bathroom, or to get a drink of water, maybe just to check on the files i was working on. Whatever the case i could have -- it's my house - my home. Getting up in the middle of the night would be my prerogative. -RIGHT?

Does someone who decides to come into your house in the middle of the night, while you are there, prepare themselves to deal with you if you get up? What is their plan?


What does defending your life mean, when you are dealing with someone invading your home?
Is it Weapons, Skill sets, trap doors, escape routes, and everything thinkable. Or is it the will to break the cycle of fear.

How do I break the cycle? What force now needs to be introduced to this cycle to move it out of the shrink fear shrink fear spiral and back on to its designated course. Take chances, grow, self improvement, self actualization.

I Keep praying for an answer.

Picking up The Pieces

Still no signs at the end of the tunnel.
But the the pieces must be picked up.
Life must continue.

But How?

Well the place is clean and their is almost no evidence of what happened.
Only that feeling inside. You know you were violated.
Your mind tells you that someone out their somewhere is touching your things.

Your mind tells you that it could have gone quite differently.
They were inside. Only a few feet away from where i slept.

Anger rages to the surface. Are any of us really safe.
Am i as safe, even now, as i let myself believe.

How can one truly be safe?
Does imprisoning yourself behind steel bars make you safe.
Does heavy expenditures on the latest gadgets and gizmo's make you safe.

WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!

Peace be Still!

Where to turn

Day 3

Still many questions. Still no answers

The first 48

48 hours has almost passed and i haven't seen or heard from a detective. Crime in Jamaica goes a little slower than the rest of the world -- so i guess conventional wisdom as far a crime fighting is concerned doesn't apply here.

The CSI or SOC (Scene Of Crime) Investigators did come by though. Forget the fact that their efforts should be guide by the detectives working the case - but here the cart leads the horse. anyway the cart seemed to do a pretty good job and they were on top of things. So i had some peace.

Time clean up and get life back on track.

Where to go? Where to turn? What's the next move? Will this be resolved? How soon? Questions race through my mind. For now just to clean, wash, put away, life goes on.

Today was the wrong day to wake up

I woke up this morning to an empty house. This is not the kind of morning you want to wake up to.

Yesterday was a long day. I decided to add an extra day of work to my regular work week. ease the pressure off the usual hustle heading into the weekend. help some people get there work on time. after the day had ended for most people - I even threw in an extra hour. a little bit more attention. a helping hand. @ 2:00 am, I decided to call it a night. what a night it was. while it slept it was only just beginning for someone else.

I woke up this morning to an empty house and my entire life changed - in a second. with just a thought.

Their is not a more hollow feeling than the moment you realize your life has been invaded. someone has forced their way into your life. Touched everything you care about. Taken whatever they have a mind to and left you - EMPTY - you turn to look for help and there is no-one there. your life can never be the same.

I woke up thismorning to an empty house. My life was... My life is...

My Introduction

I have seen many people talking about blogging on television. i figured this might be an interesting place to share your thoughts with the world on a wide range of topics. Or just share your particular interest with friends or individuals with similar interests. well i am a television producer. already indicating that i have a desire to sharing my thoughts or way of doing things or experiencing the world with the world.

Today's thought... It's Saturday or Sabbath depending on how you woke up this morning. I missed church. I was up all night thinking. or maybe just hiding my thoughts in a movie. You can never truly hide from your thoughts though. They seem to find inspiration or elevation in whatever your mind finds to do. last night's distraction got me to thinking about really how motivated one needs to be to be accomplished, and at the end of the day what does it all boil down to. How much do we impact the lives of those around us? Do we really? Are we really to be held responsible for those we come in contact with? Am I my brothers keeper? who is my brother? I will try to explore this and a lot more at this spot so check it out.